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As of today, there are only 7 children who have ever read this book and lived to tell about it. 95 children successfully read the first chapter, but upon beginning chapter 2, they started blabbering in some language known only as "flibberish." 38 children made it halfway through this wretched book before they began sucking their thumbs through their noses.
If you're very brave, perhaps you are willing to take your chances. Be sure that you have told your family who gets your favorite toys if you do not survive this book. Read it now, if you dare. But don't say you haven't been warned, for this is the story that unfolds the mysteries of the underworld.