When danger rolls into town I have one eye open—my most private eye—while the other is focusing on a fiery fury of a lady. Surrounded by more underworld celebrities than San Quentin and Sing Sing combined, can you believe that I was the King of Clowns? That's right, but I thought my role was to rescue any poor damsel in distress. Too bad that maiden wasn't planning to rescue me from the next social event planned in town—my funeral—and it was up to me to crash the party while keeping cool below the belt.