To Porterhouse College, Cambridge, famous for rowing, low academic standards and a proud cuisine, comes a new Master—an ex-grammar-school boy, demanding Firsts, women students, a self-service canteen and a slot-machine for contraceptives. There is considerable opposition to this challenge to the established order, in the form of Skullion, the intransigent porter at Porterhouse, who is determined that the hallowed traditions of the college will never change.

Read by Griff Rhys Jones.