Being marooned on an island somewhere off the coast of Madagascar with five celebrities sounds romantic and glamorous, right?

Wrong.

You couldn't find people with fewer survival skills if you tried. Seriously. Cisco may have centerfold abs, but he can't even spell SOS. At least super-sexy Jonah seems to have a clue (too bad about the purity ring). If I'm stuck here much longer, these self-involved head cases might drive me crazy—assuming they don't insult each other to death first. It's like a group therapy edition of Survivor.

At this point, I'm pretty convinced that all celebrities should be caged in Hollywood and confined to the pages of US magazine. And, btw, if you're there, God, it's me, Francesca, and I really want to go home.

Help!